the accidental attachment parent

This is me. I am the accidental one. I never intended to be a baby wearer, a co-sleeper an extended part of my baby but that is what has happened.

My first two children now seven and nine didn’t do any of these things, they slept in cots in their own rooms, they travelled about in a pram quite contentedly and in fact were quite independent from me – happy to go off and play, amuse themselves etc. Then we get to baby three. He’s an entirely different little personality, he is a complete attachment child. He can’t sleep unless he’s in our bed, he’s only content if he can see us, he detests being put into a pram, cot, play pen where he isn’t with us and so I’ve morphed into an attachment parent.

But thinking about things, is attachment parenting how it’s supposed to be? Is it right to put a tiny baby into a barred cot in a separate room from his mother or father? Is it right to put a baby into cots, playpens, prams etc so you can  get on with whatever it is you wanted to do? Is it right to send him to a nursery from a very young age to be cared for by a stranger.

If left to nature is attachment parenting not how things would be? Would the young sleep with the parents, travel around by being carried and held, observe the world from the arms of mum and dad?

Or… Is it because this is baby number three and our last baby that we’ve been so much more laid back and wanted the easy option? In the night when the baby has cried I honestly have not been able to be bothered sitting up in a chair rocking him back to sleep for what could be hours on end. I’ve wanted to sleep, I’ve wanted to be comfy in my bed and so have popped him in with me. I can’t be bothered listening to tantrums and unnecessary crying because he’s bored or wants to do something with me instead of on his own and so he is always kept happy by being with us and 99% of the time he is really happy and laid back in a way I don’t remember the other two being.

Also because we’ve had two other children we feel no pressure to be checking child development books to see if we are establishing all the “correct” behaviours and milestones at the correct times. Or is it simply that we’ve created a rod for our own back by being lazy and relaxed as many people like to tell me, daily.

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4 thoughts on “the accidental attachment parent

  1. Interesting post Wendy, and it was the last line that yelled out at me.

    You know what is best for you! Why do other people feel entitled to tell you what you know is right for you?

    Guiltily I speak as someone who in the past has done that, in my youth when I, as an adult without a child, obviously knew how everyone ought to be running their children.. it all seemed just common sense to me at the time. Now? Well I have realised that children are people, and people are individuals, and each of us is different, and what is common sense to one person is ridiculous to another.. .

    You seem to be doing fine to me 🙂

  2. ENJOY and delight in your children. My four boys all slept with us at different time and all have turned out just great- and they sure wouldn’t fit now! Ever hear the country song “Let them be Little?” One line goes, “let them be little, let them sleep in the middle” and so on until you are crying with the sweetness of it all!

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